saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
