I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
