He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
