woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
