I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
