do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
