dude i'm inner monologue high
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
