god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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