Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
