hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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