How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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