I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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