just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
