when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
