So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
