I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
