I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
