I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
