his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
