jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
