so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
