Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
