I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
