All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
