Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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