I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
third nipple confirmed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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