Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We have started to decorate penises.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
