There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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