I think my fart just growled at me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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