my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
