i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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