I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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