Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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