I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
