It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
