I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
