Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
