The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
