Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
