why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
