One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
