You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
