# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
