I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
