I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
