There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
