Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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