Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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