My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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