I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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