party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
