Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
