I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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