I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
