so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
