No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
